Tips & Techniques: Going Green

"Going green" is quickly becoming a big part of modern-day weddings. If you're a bride who is passionate about the environment, it may be important for you to throw a great wedding that's also sustainable and earth-friendly. Although this route may sound great, it can sometimes be a bit tougher than you might anticipate to make your ceremony and reception truly low-impact. Gone are the days of recycled paper; today's earth-conscious mindset is much more about product life-cycles and carbon footprints.

If it all seems a bit overwhelming, don't fret! Here a few dos and don'ts to guide you on your path to a great green event.

DON'T buy products based solely on an "environmentally friendly" label. Unlike many claims (like "low fat"), these are not yet regulated and don't have to be proven before being placed on a product. And many companies are cashing in on the fad, hoping to lure in new customers or get old ones to pay a premium for so-called "green" merchandise.
DO your homework. If you're serious about buying only good-to-the-environment products for your wedding, you need to know the companies that make them as well as the process they go through, before and after the "finished" product. This may lead you to change your plans or even cancel some parts. But in order to truly make a difference with your wedding, you must be willing to spend the time and effort and to sacrifice or change your ideal plan. A simple Google search can give you a few good starting points; from there, look carefully at the company (do they really care about environmental issues or are they just another manufacturer? Your best bet for true green is to go with companies that actually try to reduce their impact as well as yours). Then, look at the process each product goes through in order to be created -- is it costly in terms of energy? Is it shipped across multiple countries, burning up oil in the process? Does it use relatively scarce resources? Does it stay forever in landfills or leach out dangerous chemicals? Your reaction to these possibilities, as well as the level of cost to the environment, can help you determine how to proceed.

DON'T go overboard and obsess over every detail. Concentrate on a few areas in which you can make a larger impact, rather than making yourself crazy trying to do everything. If you can do it all, more power to you. But most brides will not be able to, so don't stress about it too much.
DO try to reduce any excess in your wedding. Having a dinner? Make it plated, rather than buffet; you'll waste less food. Creating a very informal event? Think about reducing the amount of paper you use by inviting people in a nontraditional way (a saver for etiquette: maybe you could send your grandmother a real, paper invitation. She'll appreciate it, and you can be nontraditional for guests your age and still save a lot of paper). Worried about the effect of shipping fresh flowers? Reduce your flower consumption by creating non-floral centerpieces and opting to carry only a few local, in-season blooms. In the long run, many of these options will save you a considerable amount of money and reduce your impact on the environment -- a double bonus!

DON'T force your guests to "convert" to your worldview just to participate in (or watch) your wedding. Yes, you want to save the world; good for you. But you can't expect everyone to share your set of beliefs, and in the end you'll only create resentment. To many, it's even questionable to donate to a charity in lieu of favors for that reason. Of course, wanting to make such a donation is up to you and your DF, and letting your guests know is also your decision. Just think about your reasons for doing anything, and make sure your guests are comfortable rather than squirming in their seats.
DO try to smoothly weave in the environmentally-friendly aspects of your wedding with the more traditional stuff. Perhaps the best "green" victory you could have is your guests not having a clue, just enjoying your awesome party! If they ask, of course tell them the truth... they'll probably be impressed you managed to pull off something so fun while being highly conscious of the environmental impact. A hint or two about its importance could work well for you (a pledge in your vows to each other, for example, or asking your guests to walk or carpool is a way to send a not-too-harsh message about something that's meaningful to you).

DON'T expect the impossible. If you really want a huge blowout reception, you pretty much have to expect that it will have a larger effect than a small, informal one. If you expect a lot of out-of-town guests, you have to accept that larger carbon footprint that comes from cross-country airplane or car trips. This process is really a give-and-take one, and you can't really have your cake and eat it too.
DO focus on what is possible. It's definitely doable to have a "green" wedding; it just takes some effort on your part to ensure that it's as low-impact as you hope for. Concentrate on the things you can do, what will make the most difference, and what you can compromise on to ensure the best outcome.

Tips & Techniques: Be Your Own DJ

One of the most important things about DIY'ing your own wedding is to realize what is and isn't important to you, thereby enabling you to cut back on things you don't care about in order to afford the things you really want. For my fiancé and I, although we are musicians and music lovers, having a live band or DJ just wasn't all that important. My relatives and friends wouldn't really appreciate (or dance to) a great live band, as appealing as it sounds, and I've never really liked DJ services all that much. They seem a little cheesy and I knew that all it would do would make my guests feel a little uncomfortable. Many brides have friends just dying to fill the role. But if you don't have a friend willing to stand in, don't despair! There are plenty of low-cost and do-it-yourself options out there waiting to be explored.

Enlist a funny, outgoing relative or friend as the Master of Ceremonies. They don't have to be "full-time" DJ, but they can help by announcing the various parts of your reception. This is important because it keeps your guests from getting confused, frustrated, or irritated that they don't know what's happening. A good MC can really bring a party to life. Even an "okay" one can keep things rolling smoothly along.

But what about the music? There are two approaches to the problem of playing music in today's high-tech world. (Used to be my dad would make reel-to-reel tapes... those babies last a couple hours at least! But no more... digital music has replaced all that analog. Use it to your advantage!)

The Micro-Manager, Type A Person
Yeah... you know you want all the correct songs in an exact order, don't you? If you have an iPod or mp3 player and a program like iTunes, you're lucky! This is my favored option, mostly because I'm really picky about the songs I want to play and in what order I think they "should" be playing. First, go through your library of songs and determine which of those you want to play. Buy any that you don't have but want, whatever your favorite way of buying new music is. Then compose your playlist(s). There are two distinct ways to do this:

1) Make one Master Playlist of all the songs you'll want, and if you have a favored order, also organize them accordingly. You'll have to appoint someone to keep an eye/ear on the proceedings (a good idea anyway to make sure your mp3 player or laptop doesn't, ahem, walk away). You can choose to shuffle the playlist if you're not particular about the order.

2) Make several different playlists according to the time or kind of song... for example, a playlist composed of your "special dance" songs (first dance, father/daughter dance, wedding party dance, etc.). You can also choose to have a playlist for background dinner music, "get up and party" music, music to play after the older folks have gone to bed... anything you want! Again you can choose to either pick a specific order or to shuffle them. Appoint someone to switch playlists at the appropriate moment.

The Laid-Back, Type B Person
Yeah... you know you're not really sure about what you want played anyway. You want a certain kind of music, maybe, but who even has that much music on their computer/in their album collection anyway? I know there are plenty of people (not me, heehee) who don't have an extensive collection of random music at their disposal. That's why choose-your-music Internet radio is so awesome. Basically, you input the kind of music you like -- a band or singer, or several -- and it comes up with similar music that the program has analyzed and "thinks" you might like. It never runs out of songs and most of the time will not play the same song twice in one session. Just chill... input the kind of thing you want, rate it accordingly until it plays what you want it to, and simply log in for a no-hassle DJ-less option. The only requirement is an Internet access point... be sure to ask your venue well ahead of time if this is possible.

A couple great personalized Internet radio sites:
Pandora
last.fm

Both of these require you to bring your relatively expensive technological equipment to your reception. To minimize scares, appoint someone to be in charge of them and to take them back safely once the reception is over. If you're still unsure but you have an old laptop you hardly use, take that one along... at least if it gets lost you won't feel as much pain.

This also usually requires the rental of appropriate equipment, like speakers and a microphone and such. Make sure that this is at least okay with your venue... you don't want to do things not with code or against your contract. Often these rentals can be done through the venue as well, which probably would make them happier too. If you can, test their equipment with yours to make sure there are no compatibility "surprises" the day of. The great thing about DJs is that they have their own professional-level equipment and know what to do if something fails. Have your own contingency plans just in case, and don't freak out.

Just remember to have fun. Choosing your own music can make the reception really personal... choose songs you both love and it will shine through!

Tips & Techniques: Name that Color!

One of the fun parts of wedding planning is choosing a beautiful palatte of colors to work with, thus making the decisions about which linens, flowers, decor, etc. to use a little easier. But how do you communicate your choices to friends and vendors without sending out hundreds of sample swatches? I can help with this sort of thing: choose the appropriate adjective(s) for your colors so everyone has a relatively clear idea of what you're talking about. To get you off on the right track, here's a summary of what each adjective really means, and how to get your maid of honor to stop picking out those cherry red dresses when you really want crimson.

First, a quick review of terms I'll be using:
Shade - simply used to describe the darkness or lightness of a particular color
Hue - the actual "color" of a color, referring to where it lands on the color wheel
Saturation - the intensity of a particular color; the more intense, the easier the color is to spot

Now, your adjectives!:

True: You've heard the expression "true blue" right? Well it actually has a more literal meaning too... these are the "pure" forms of the primary and secondary colors (blue, red, yellow and green, orange, purple), without any taint of other colors to give them a different hue. They can be slightly harsh when paired together, but choosing the right one or two can give a great clean, fresh look, particularly when paired with white. "Christmas colors" are usually true green and red, often with an accent or third color of true white.

Bright: These colors are a bit tricky to categorize, and can also (more accurately) referred to as brilliant or saturated colors. They are intense colors that seem vivid as opposed to muted, and catch the eye more easily. Bright colors are often used in "tropical" color combinations and will work well as an accent color also. Before using too many of these, I recommend spending some time with a person whose taste you really trust! Brighter colors can work well for a summer wedding and are set off well by the more intense sun at that time of year.

Neon: Neon colors are extremely bright to the eye and probably should not be used as a main color, unless you're absolutely certain that it will work well for your event. Two or more will be harsh on your guests' eyes -- think '80s Barbie clothes! Use of neon colors will often convey an informal, young tone. They can be pulled off, but ask that tasteful person you know first.

Light: These colors are a shade removed from their "true" counterparts, going up on the white scale without distorting the hue by adding other colors. Opposite of "dark," light colors are perfect for spring and summer weddings that don't want to use pastel or bright colors, respectively. Light colors are easy on the eye and, with the exception of red, work for nearly every hue as a more subdued version.

Pastel: Pastels are shades whiter than "light" colors. They are off-and-on as popular colors for spring/early summer weddings. Several pastels together can be used for a lovely effect, but be cautious when choosing them for bridesmaid dresses; many of us with "fair" skin tones get really washed out! That being said, it is of course your prerogative :)

Pale: Pale goes even a step beyond pastel in the white scale, implying a shade of color just next to white. Pale colors are barely there, and are most often paired with white as an almost "off-white on white" effect. In blue or green, pale hues work well for winter weddings with "ice" or "snow" themes. Be as careful with pale colors as pastel; too much and the effect can be washed out, both in the room and on your friends.

Dark: The opposite of "light", going down the black scale and of the same saturation as true colors. Dark colors are most often used as winter or fall colors, as they "feel" heavier than lighter colors because of the added visual weight. Dark reds are more flattering to wear, in general, then true reds or pinks and because of that (and their association with roses) remain a popular half of the white or ivory and red color combination.

Muted: These colors are opposite of "bright" and are less saturated than "true" colors (meaning they look more gray and less eye-catching). On the darker side, they are often used as fall colors in fashion, and pair well with various shades of brown. Perfect colors for autumn weddings and for gals like me that shy away from the brighter color combinations.

Dull: An extreme version of muted, dull colors are quite close to the gray end of the saturation scale. These can be used well for a nature theme or in the fall, but be careful; it can be easy to add a few too many dull colors, confusing the effect. To temper the effects of both colors, they can be paired with a "true" or even "bright" tone; just be careful with your choice!

Deep: Slightly more difficult to categorize are "deep" colors, which combine several other terms into one. "Deep" implies both a very dark color and one that is slightly muted, creating a very rich tone that seems to be full of color. Because of both of these characteristics, deep colors' best time is in the fall; deep blues and greens are fairly popular choices and can be very sophisticated. Try not to pick too many, or the effect can be overwhelming.

Dusty: Also described as "antique," and again a combination term, "dusty" colors are light/pastel/pale colors that are slightly to very muted in tone. To me they've always looked like colors you might see in your grandma's old needlepoints, and almost invariably when I'm doing needlework I see a color described as "dusty rose." These can easily make you seem stuffy, but just as easily can be a lovely understatement, particularly with a theme of "something old."

Note that many names of colors encompass an implication of these terms without directly using them, and some of those colors are hotly disputed. It's hard to go wrong with "pure white,"* but ask someone what "periwinkle" is and you'll get a different explanation every time. For an absolutely awesome list of color names and what they mean, see The Phrontistery. Don't expect everyone to know what they mean, however; use the above information to tell everyone what you have in mind, and for absolute clarity pick up samples (paint chips, small swatches of fabrics, true-printed papers, etc.) to give out. And for goodness' sake, don't rely on a vendor's color name to match what you think the color "should" be! Always check it first; I read a story the other day about a lady fuming mad that her "apple" colored maid-of-honor dress (one that she ordered online) was green rather than red!

Best of luck, as always!

*I know that there can be a great deal of confusion about wedding-dress whites: pure white, diamond white, ivory, and champagne are the four I can think of, and they are both fairly easy to define and pretty consistent across the wedding industry (thankfully!). Pure white is just that: white without any alteration, and in a perfect world reflects every wavelength of light. Diamond white is tinged slightly bluish, although just barely -- so "barely" it's not even a "pale blue" yet! Both of the above colors flatter darker skin tones. Ivory is a yellowish off-white that normally shows up as white in photographs unless you're standing next to something pure white in color, and flatters yellowish undertones in skin. Champagne is a darker yellow-tan color, not really a white but often an "antique" color that flatters pinkish undertones. I suggest trying on dresses in different colors to find which ones flatter you most, making sure the samples are clean enough to give you an idea of the right color (ask for a swatch of their own if you're not sure)!

Tips & Techniques: Wedding Stationery

I've been thinking lately about all the "paper stuff" I'll be creating for our wedding. (As a hardcore DIYer, you can bet I don't want to leave that to professional printers! Although I'm sure many of you out there are way too stressed to handle this stuff yourself.) I've been getting dazed and confused trying to keep everything straight... it's amazing how all this stuff adds up. So to help myself and anyone else getting frazzled, I've put together a list of all the possible stationery items you might need to have printed (and/or coordinated!).

Sent to your guests
Invitations: I know what you're thinking: That's obvious, Joan! Of course it's obvious. But what isn't obvious is all the questions you'll have to answer: A7, square, tea length, or custom? Hand-written calligraphy, thermography, engraving, or regular printing? Heavy cardstock, handmade paper, or vellum? Ribbons and other embellishments or plain? Pocket or other enclosure, tissue, or just stuck into the envelope? I'm sure I'm missing several questions, but I think you get my point!
Invitation envelopes: Another obvious one, unless your invitations create their own envelopes (and I have to say that those are really cool). Make sure that your envelopes will fit all of the stuff you're going to put into them. It doesn't look pretty when they don't quite fit... and you don't want to have to go out and buy another 200 envelopes, do you? Another thing to consider is the traditional double envelope. The outside envelope is gummed and may or may not be lined; the inner is not gummed and is often lined. This doubles the number of envelopes you have to buy (and keep in mind that the outer one should be slightly larger; most places sell these as a set). At the same time, it's a nice touch, especially for a traditional wedding, and your older guests will be especially appreciative. In addition, you can have a calligrapher (or yourself, or a close friend) address the envelopes in a beautiful hand.
RSVP/response cards: A little less traditional; the stalwarts of etiquette will tell you that the only proper way to have your guests RSVP is by phone. Nowadays, it's much more common to include a card each family can send in to RSVP. There are two options: a smaller card with a matching envelope (don't forget postage and a prewritten address!), or a postcard. Postcards need to be at least 3 1/2" x 5" to send them via USPS -- use A2 size, rather than the A4 common for response cards with envelopes.
Reception card: A mini-invitation to the reception itself (since on the invitation it usually just says "reception to follow"). This lists the address of the reception if it's being held at a different location, the time, and possibly the formality of the event (although the formality should be suggested through the invitation style and wording).
Itineraries: A daughter of my mother's cousin (confused yet?) recently got married and sent an itinerary of all the wedding events with the invitation -- I thought it was an excellent idea, especially if you're doing multiple events or have a large number of out-of-town guests coming. It doesn't have to be fancy; just match them to your invitation and include them in the envelope.
Save-the-dates: Send this small notification of your wedding date 6-12 months before the day. You can make these any number of ways (magnets are popular, but you can just send a card). I'm thinking about doing a postcard (printed myself on preperforated 4-up cardstock!) which saves on envelope costs as well as postage. You can have a picture of the two of you, or a motif "previewing" your wedding, whatever you decide! It should include your names, the date, maybe your website if you wish, and the words "invitation (or formal invitation) to follow" because this isn't the actual invitation, just a heads-up.
Shower invitations: If you're the bride, don't worry about this one! But it's just something else that will need to be printed or bought. Match them to the theme of the shower, hosts, and keep it lighthearted. It's okay etiquette-wise to include a card noting where the bride is registered.
Rehearsal dinner invitations: (And other event invitations!) Not really necessary, especially if you invite people via word of mouth or with an insert in the invitation itself. But if you want to make them, be my guest! No pun intended ;) Anyway, match them to the theme of the rehearsal if there is one, and again, keep it a little less heavy and formal than the wedding invitations.
Extras: Maps to the ceremony/reception/rehearsal dinner location, notes that aren't included on the invitation or other enclosures, etc. Make sure your guests are well informed (is the rehearsal dinner across the city from the ceremony site?) and know what they're doing. This is true even for in-town guests!

At the wedding
Programs: A large piece of stationery or a booklet (often tied with a ribbon) with a schedule of events, an explanation of the traditions of the ceremony (and/or reception) -- including lyrics, song titles, and other tidbits that are important to you -- thank yous to the bridal party, parents, and sometimes guests, and often a "who's who" section for the party and parents. These should be given out at the appropriate time: before the ceremony begins if the program explains the ceremony, or between the ceremony and reception if it explains only the reception traditions. You can also do one for each of these and hand them out appropriately.
Escort cards: Small cards that direct the guests where to sit. You only need these if you have assigned tables; if not (like many buffet-style receptions), don't bother! These can be in small frames, as favor tags, or however your heart desires. If a couple is to be seated at the same table, you may only need one for both of them.
Table cards: If you have escort cards, you'll need table cards! These mark each table with a number so guests can find their way to the correct spot.
Placecards: If you have these, you may not need either escort or table cards, unless your caterer needs table numbers for waiters (be sure to ask what they require if you're having a seated and served dinner). They can be anything from simple tent cards to favor tags to small cards in fancy holders. Place them at each seat and have a trusted friend or two direct your guests to the right table.
Extras: A small note explaining the significance of a tradition or choice (for example, explaining the tradition of jordan almonds), a thank-you tag for your favors, an invitation to a brunch the following morning, or anything else that keeps your guests feeling informed and welcome are all lovely extras you may want to consider.

After the wedding
Thank you cards: A normal-sized card expressing your thanks to your guests for attending the wedding, and specific thank-yous for gifts. Write these as soon as you receive gifts if you get any before the wedding, and as soon as you can following the honeymoon for those received on or after the day. A guest traditionally can send a gift up to a year after the wedding, so that's your guideline, too. It's just a better idea to get them done ASAP so you won't be seen as rude and so each gift is fresh in your mind. Thank-you cards can match your wedding theme or have your new married monogram; some have the words "thank you" across the front, but those are seen as generally less formal and the most uptight of us about etiquette would consider them in bad taste. Still, it's up to you. It's the last piece of stationery you'll send them, so make it pretty.

One last word: Don't forget about the postage costs! Remember that many invitations are over the standard maximum weight for a letter and must be given extra postage. Response card envelopes should be stamped; save-the-dates need postage; and thank-you cards will too. Although the brides don't need to worry about shower and other invitation cards, some of you hosts out there will! Remember to include the cost of postage in with your budget -- a ton of invitations means a ton of stamps too.

Tips & Techniques: Out of Town Guests

If you're anything like me, you'll have at least a few out-of-town guests on your list. My family lives all over the US, and my friends are getting spread out too... that means (I may be exaggerating but it feels like) half of our guests will be from a different state! That will unfortunately include my fiance, me and possibly even my parents, if they retire before I get married. Yes, crazy. But there is a way to make sure everything goes smoothly, no one feels awkward, and you don't feel insanely stressed by it all.

Make sure the out-of-town guests know what's going on.
If you were going to an unfamiliar city, you'd want to know what's happening with the event! And it's also useful to know what to do, where to go, and who to call. At a minimum, you should let your guests know the following:

*Dates, times, etc. of all the events they're invited to (shower, rehearsal dinner, etc.) and the expected formality
*Phone numbers of important wedding party and/or family members (and hotel info if they're staying in one)
*Phone numbers of the event venue(s)
*Address of the event venue(s) and directions from several important locations
*Whether you will provide transportation to/from the airport, the venue(s), hotels, etc.
*If you're not providing transportation, information about rental cars, taxis, or other services like public transit

It's also nice to book a chunk of tickets for a flight if you have a number of people coming from the same place and a number of rooms at two nearby hotels: one nicer and one more for the budget-minded. You don't have to pay for them (don't reserve it, but request they be held as a group) but you might be able to get a group discount. That way they'll also have others they know to lessen the stress of travel.

And don't forget to tell yourself what's going on! Make a sheet of when your guests will arrive and leave, where they'll stay (and the number of the hotel, along with the room number if you can get it), and what events they're coming to. If you're arranging any part of their transportation or entertainment, make a note of it as well. It'll save a lot of headaches!

Provide your guests with something to do outside of the wedding.
Don't let your travelers get bored! Although you will be busy for at least the week of your wedding, your guests might not have much to do. It's nice to invite your guests to the rehearsal dinner, but that's not always financially possible. Some families like to host an after-wedding brunch (the following day) or another get-together a different day, but this isn't always easy to do either. So what's a bride and her family to do with the guests needing entertainment? Tell the out-of-towners about the wonderful things to do in your city or town! Most places have plenty of things to do and see -- and will fit nearly any budget (think a trip to an in-town spa or a walk through a nearby park). Better yet, tell them about the things you love to do! Here are a few to get you started:

*Cultural attractions like museums, historical sites, aquariums, and symphony halls
*Sporting places like hiking trails, biking paths, lakes, and parks
*Shopping spots near the venue(s) or hotel(s)
*Interesting urban locations to explore
*Location-specific "places of interest"
*Kid-friendly spots if your guests are bringing children
*Fabulous (and/or reasonably priced!) restaurants near the hotel(s)

Make your travelers feel welcome.
At the least you want to make sure everyone from out of town feels welcomed to your wedding. A "welcome" packet, including the information you want them to know (even if you've put it on a website or sent it out previously) will ease some of the worries they might have about getting to your event. You can even do a bit of decorating -- maybe print the info on a page with your wedding colors or motif, or add a bit of ribbon.

For something a little more involved, you could make up a little "welcome basket" with the same information, plus a few goodies that reflect you, your wedding, or your location. Like favors, they don't have to be expensive and can really make the guest feel good to be there. Of course, you'll probably need to enlist a bit of help -- get your bridesmaids or other helpers to help distribute what you make to the hotel rooms to ease the stress of yet another detail to be worked out.

So what should you include? In addition to the phone numbers and other information, there are a number of things you can put in to treat your guests.

*Homemade goodies, like cookies or candies
*Fresh fruit or packaged snacks (especially good if they've had a long flight)
*A bottle of wine (or a couple bottles of water if they'll be walking around siteseeing!)
*Gift certificates to local services, like the hotel spa or a nearby theater
*Locally made items -- this is especially good if you're having a destination wedding
*One or two "tourist" style maps to help them find interesting extra stops
*A transit map and prepaid transit card (with a note of how many trips or days)
*A personal handwritten "thank you for coming" note

These can all be in a cute basket or another container that fits your theme (bucket for a nautical or beach theme, rhinestone-studded container for a fairytale wedding, etc.). Even a piece of ribbon in one or both of your colors can help tie everything together (literally or figuratively) and help you figure out what you'll do without creating a whole slew of extra decisions.

Make sure that everything you put in your "welcome" is take-home-able. Something too big might not fit in a small suitcase, for example, or overly fragile items could get broken. Like favors, the idea is to be kind, not overly extravagant. Do what works for you -- if that's just a sheet of paper with phone numbers and directions, it's fine! But don't ignore your out-of-town guests; they probably spent money to come see you, so try to show your appreciation however you can, and make them feel as warmly welcomed as possible.

Tips & Techniques: Simple Weddings

Most people probably assume that "simple" weddings are easy weddings. Not necessarily! For one thing, what does "simple" really mean? Are we talking about the ceremony? The reception? The theme? The expense? The answer to that question really changes the outcome of the planning process.

When I say "simple" I mean a short, basic ceremony with a streamlined, no-frills reception. These are great for older couples that don't want a lot of fuss, second (or third or fourth) marriages, or couples that just don't want to deal with all the hassle a "normal" wedding can cause. That being said, it doesn't have to be boring or feel "cheap."

Boring weddings are usually also impersonal. They don't connect the guests to the couple and often just feel like going through the motions. What you want for your guests is that they feel you are honored by their presence (hence the wording on the invitations). It's best that everyone feels like they were chosen for good reason - not just another name to tick off the list and add to the gifts. That's where personalized wedding favors - even small, inexpensive ones - can really help you. Explain the things that mean something - even if that's just by getting the best man to grab the mic for a couple minutes. Little touches are often the most important.

"Cheap" weddings are the ones where the guests feel like they are more of a burden to you than a welcome face. It's especially insulting if you obviously spent a lot of money in other areas and decided to spend as little as possible per guest. You can save a lot of money by reducing the amount you spend per person, but do it in a way that still makes it feel special. That's where handmade or otherwise personalized items really work. If you still can't afford the amount you're spending, rethink the guest list: maybe it's better to celebrate your union in a nice way with a few people than to make it bare-bones with a larger number.

If you decide you want a simple wedding, think carefully about what traditions are most important to you. If you couldn't care less about the bouquet toss, don't do it! If you don't want a fancy dinner, pass around some hors d'oeuvres. Streamline everything so it goes smoothly without a lot of distractions.
Secondly, think carefully about your guest list (even without considering the budget). Simple weddings work well for very small, intimate gatherings; your guests can focus on you, not the "stuff" - and because of the small size, you can reciprocate the attention. Larger receptions might feel a bit naked, but this can be fixed by creating the right atmosphere. An interesting, but not busy, location is perfect for a simple wedding.

Bottom line: Simple weddings beg for intimacy and streamlining. Don't go for cheap - go for special.