On the Hunt: Visiting Venues

My fiancé and I just spent the last three days looking at different sites -- our first real "wedding planning" stuff together! We had a lot of fun. There are so many different options out there, and it's especially interesting to look at places that embody both "where" you are and "who" you are as a couple. You want to ensure that the ceremony and reception are both of these -- or at least the latter. Since many in both our families are from different parts of the US, we want to reflect what's unique about our city and region.

So far we've looked at three very different kinds of places. There are several other types we're considering as well, but since we've only visited four sites (two of them the same "kind" of thing) I'm not sure yet what we'll pick. But it's really wonderful to see all these sites... it's definitely one of the most exciting parts of this whole thing so far.

The first was a little surprising to me; by the time we went to the appointment I had forgotten completely what the venue actually looks like. In some places, like ours, there are a number of "banquet halls" to rent; since where I live there aren't a lot of Elk Lodges and the like, these fill in the gaps. Most of the time, they are relatively inexpensive to rent, and many of them offer in-house catering/waitstaff with options to include other services like decorations, music, different linens, etc. The downside is that they usually have no windows and are in places like malls or strip malls with bland exteriors like "big box" stores. I have no problem with people who decide to go this route; our quote was around $4500 for the rental and catering (low end of the entrée pricing) and fits well into a budget that can't be stretched far. The decorations inside are very nice (small chandeliers and strands of Christmas-tree lights along the ceiling) and there's a dance floor and stage... everything you might want in a basic room for several different purposes. Although it's not for us, it's definitely something we would consider if we had a tighter budget. If you decide to go with this kind of hall, check out several if you can and pay attention to the state of the venue itself: is it stained or otherwise dirty? Does it smell fresh or stale? Do the decorations act as a good "base" for the kind of décor you envision? If there are options for you, make sure you carefully check everything out and pick the things and people you're most comfortable with. I should emphasize the latter; if the staff makes you feel uncomfortable, choose someplace else! It won't hurt them, and in the end everyone

The second type of place we've seen is an old historic home re-made into a "special event venue" -- these places tend to have a number of in-house services, and both of the places we looked at had suggested vendors as well. One of the best parts of these places, other than some of the discounts you may get with an "all-inclusive" package, is a wedding coordinator and/or a wedding director. Rather than having to do everything yourself you get someone who has years of experience to help you during the day of -- yeah, I know the title of the site is "DIY" but who really wants to be pulled every which way during their wedding day? The downside with these places is that some of them don't allow you to get outside vendors to come in -- the last site we visited requires all the centerpieces, linens, decorating flowers, etc. to be through them. Dang, I've already purchased candleholders for centerpieces! I haven't talked to them about this little snag (there may be a way to work with them -- I don't know) but it makes me feel a little restricted even when they have an abundance of options. This same place has a minimum centerpiece/florist fee of $325, which is fine... but I was planning on spending no more than $150 total on that stuff. Still, it might be worth it because of reduced costs in other aspects. It just bothers me a little. The first site like this we visited, however, has a different policy; while they have "regular" linens, table settings, and centerpieces, they allow you to get outside vendors and will work with them to produce your "vision" (I hate that term, but... what can you do?). I'd definitely ask about this when you have initial meetings with this type of venue; you don't want to be surprised after you already have your heart set on something!

The third type of place was something in-between. It seems like it had been built specifically for events -- like the first type -- but with the surroundings in mind, as though they'd been built like a house. This particular one has huge windows and a tall ceiling with a little balcony overseeing the main floor; the exterior has a small garden (with gorgeous spring-blooming plants, a gazebo, and an old-style water fountain!) that can be used for small- to medium-sized ceremonies. It is really stunning and contemporary, although the pictures on the website really don't do it justice. My groom likes this one the best so far. We're both very impressed. But we'll definitely be looking at other sites before we decide anything final.

It works really well to find a number of sites somehow -- suggestions of friends, websites, local wedding planner magazines, etc. -- then set up appointments to visit each one before making any decisions. Often they can give you an estimate of sorts and tell you how they run things; the more professional types will have materials they'll give to you for your files. This can give you a great idea of how much you'd be spending on the services they provide (to whatever extent they are) and you'll have something to remind you of the visit and what you liked or didn't. Take a note of your thoughts about each one right after you've visited them (don't forget to ask your other half how they feel!) so you can compare them all more easily. Like your dress, you want to give yourself enough time and options so you can pick the one that works best for you.


P.S. I'm headed to Maine for 3 or so weeks for a family reunion, sans laptop and Internet access, so I won't be updating for awhile :( However, I'm taking some stuff along with me, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories and such when I get back! Good luck while I'm gone :)

Downloadables: Save the Dates

Okay, just for you guys I'm trying out a new category: Downloadables. I'll be making documents, templates, etc. and uploading them to a site where you can download them! Free, of course. :)

The first one is a set of save-the-date postcards, which you can print on pre-perforated cardstock (find them at a local office supply store). Print the first page (room for an address, postage, and a note to your guests) on one side of the cardstock, and the other (picture and info) on the opposite side.

To use the form, fill out the text fields; there are 5 in all, including (from top to bottom), the bride's name, an "&" or "and" (whatever you type), the groom's name, the date of the wedding, and the url of your wedding site. It should look something like this:




Note where each text field is and play around with it until you get it right. I had to hide the text boxes so they don't print out the ugly borders, so it's not immediately obvious where they are. Eventually I may be able to make forms like this that also have spots for images of your choice -- for now I'll be putting my own little generic drawings. If you don't have the same fonts on your computer as I do, you may get something the computer "thinks" is similar. If that bothers you please let me know.

Download the form here and save it to your computer before you work on it. Please let me know if you have any issues or problems! I'll try my best to make these things as easy to use as possible. :)

Tips & Techniques: Wedding Stationery

I've been thinking lately about all the "paper stuff" I'll be creating for our wedding. (As a hardcore DIYer, you can bet I don't want to leave that to professional printers! Although I'm sure many of you out there are way too stressed to handle this stuff yourself.) I've been getting dazed and confused trying to keep everything straight... it's amazing how all this stuff adds up. So to help myself and anyone else getting frazzled, I've put together a list of all the possible stationery items you might need to have printed (and/or coordinated!).

Sent to your guests
Invitations: I know what you're thinking: That's obvious, Joan! Of course it's obvious. But what isn't obvious is all the questions you'll have to answer: A7, square, tea length, or custom? Hand-written calligraphy, thermography, engraving, or regular printing? Heavy cardstock, handmade paper, or vellum? Ribbons and other embellishments or plain? Pocket or other enclosure, tissue, or just stuck into the envelope? I'm sure I'm missing several questions, but I think you get my point!
Invitation envelopes: Another obvious one, unless your invitations create their own envelopes (and I have to say that those are really cool). Make sure that your envelopes will fit all of the stuff you're going to put into them. It doesn't look pretty when they don't quite fit... and you don't want to have to go out and buy another 200 envelopes, do you? Another thing to consider is the traditional double envelope. The outside envelope is gummed and may or may not be lined; the inner is not gummed and is often lined. This doubles the number of envelopes you have to buy (and keep in mind that the outer one should be slightly larger; most places sell these as a set). At the same time, it's a nice touch, especially for a traditional wedding, and your older guests will be especially appreciative. In addition, you can have a calligrapher (or yourself, or a close friend) address the envelopes in a beautiful hand.
RSVP/response cards: A little less traditional; the stalwarts of etiquette will tell you that the only proper way to have your guests RSVP is by phone. Nowadays, it's much more common to include a card each family can send in to RSVP. There are two options: a smaller card with a matching envelope (don't forget postage and a prewritten address!), or a postcard. Postcards need to be at least 3 1/2" x 5" to send them via USPS -- use A2 size, rather than the A4 common for response cards with envelopes.
Reception card: A mini-invitation to the reception itself (since on the invitation it usually just says "reception to follow"). This lists the address of the reception if it's being held at a different location, the time, and possibly the formality of the event (although the formality should be suggested through the invitation style and wording).
Itineraries: A daughter of my mother's cousin (confused yet?) recently got married and sent an itinerary of all the wedding events with the invitation -- I thought it was an excellent idea, especially if you're doing multiple events or have a large number of out-of-town guests coming. It doesn't have to be fancy; just match them to your invitation and include them in the envelope.
Save-the-dates: Send this small notification of your wedding date 6-12 months before the day. You can make these any number of ways (magnets are popular, but you can just send a card). I'm thinking about doing a postcard (printed myself on preperforated 4-up cardstock!) which saves on envelope costs as well as postage. You can have a picture of the two of you, or a motif "previewing" your wedding, whatever you decide! It should include your names, the date, maybe your website if you wish, and the words "invitation (or formal invitation) to follow" because this isn't the actual invitation, just a heads-up.
Shower invitations: If you're the bride, don't worry about this one! But it's just something else that will need to be printed or bought. Match them to the theme of the shower, hosts, and keep it lighthearted. It's okay etiquette-wise to include a card noting where the bride is registered.
Rehearsal dinner invitations: (And other event invitations!) Not really necessary, especially if you invite people via word of mouth or with an insert in the invitation itself. But if you want to make them, be my guest! No pun intended ;) Anyway, match them to the theme of the rehearsal if there is one, and again, keep it a little less heavy and formal than the wedding invitations.
Extras: Maps to the ceremony/reception/rehearsal dinner location, notes that aren't included on the invitation or other enclosures, etc. Make sure your guests are well informed (is the rehearsal dinner across the city from the ceremony site?) and know what they're doing. This is true even for in-town guests!

At the wedding
Programs: A large piece of stationery or a booklet (often tied with a ribbon) with a schedule of events, an explanation of the traditions of the ceremony (and/or reception) -- including lyrics, song titles, and other tidbits that are important to you -- thank yous to the bridal party, parents, and sometimes guests, and often a "who's who" section for the party and parents. These should be given out at the appropriate time: before the ceremony begins if the program explains the ceremony, or between the ceremony and reception if it explains only the reception traditions. You can also do one for each of these and hand them out appropriately.
Escort cards: Small cards that direct the guests where to sit. You only need these if you have assigned tables; if not (like many buffet-style receptions), don't bother! These can be in small frames, as favor tags, or however your heart desires. If a couple is to be seated at the same table, you may only need one for both of them.
Table cards: If you have escort cards, you'll need table cards! These mark each table with a number so guests can find their way to the correct spot.
Placecards: If you have these, you may not need either escort or table cards, unless your caterer needs table numbers for waiters (be sure to ask what they require if you're having a seated and served dinner). They can be anything from simple tent cards to favor tags to small cards in fancy holders. Place them at each seat and have a trusted friend or two direct your guests to the right table.
Extras: A small note explaining the significance of a tradition or choice (for example, explaining the tradition of jordan almonds), a thank-you tag for your favors, an invitation to a brunch the following morning, or anything else that keeps your guests feeling informed and welcome are all lovely extras you may want to consider.

After the wedding
Thank you cards: A normal-sized card expressing your thanks to your guests for attending the wedding, and specific thank-yous for gifts. Write these as soon as you receive gifts if you get any before the wedding, and as soon as you can following the honeymoon for those received on or after the day. A guest traditionally can send a gift up to a year after the wedding, so that's your guideline, too. It's just a better idea to get them done ASAP so you won't be seen as rude and so each gift is fresh in your mind. Thank-you cards can match your wedding theme or have your new married monogram; some have the words "thank you" across the front, but those are seen as generally less formal and the most uptight of us about etiquette would consider them in bad taste. Still, it's up to you. It's the last piece of stationery you'll send them, so make it pretty.

One last word: Don't forget about the postage costs! Remember that many invitations are over the standard maximum weight for a letter and must be given extra postage. Response card envelopes should be stamped; save-the-dates need postage; and thank-you cards will too. Although the brides don't need to worry about shower and other invitation cards, some of you hosts out there will! Remember to include the cost of postage in with your budget -- a ton of invitations means a ton of stamps too.

Tips & Techniques: Out of Town Guests

If you're anything like me, you'll have at least a few out-of-town guests on your list. My family lives all over the US, and my friends are getting spread out too... that means (I may be exaggerating but it feels like) half of our guests will be from a different state! That will unfortunately include my fiance, me and possibly even my parents, if they retire before I get married. Yes, crazy. But there is a way to make sure everything goes smoothly, no one feels awkward, and you don't feel insanely stressed by it all.

Make sure the out-of-town guests know what's going on.
If you were going to an unfamiliar city, you'd want to know what's happening with the event! And it's also useful to know what to do, where to go, and who to call. At a minimum, you should let your guests know the following:

*Dates, times, etc. of all the events they're invited to (shower, rehearsal dinner, etc.) and the expected formality
*Phone numbers of important wedding party and/or family members (and hotel info if they're staying in one)
*Phone numbers of the event venue(s)
*Address of the event venue(s) and directions from several important locations
*Whether you will provide transportation to/from the airport, the venue(s), hotels, etc.
*If you're not providing transportation, information about rental cars, taxis, or other services like public transit

It's also nice to book a chunk of tickets for a flight if you have a number of people coming from the same place and a number of rooms at two nearby hotels: one nicer and one more for the budget-minded. You don't have to pay for them (don't reserve it, but request they be held as a group) but you might be able to get a group discount. That way they'll also have others they know to lessen the stress of travel.

And don't forget to tell yourself what's going on! Make a sheet of when your guests will arrive and leave, where they'll stay (and the number of the hotel, along with the room number if you can get it), and what events they're coming to. If you're arranging any part of their transportation or entertainment, make a note of it as well. It'll save a lot of headaches!

Provide your guests with something to do outside of the wedding.
Don't let your travelers get bored! Although you will be busy for at least the week of your wedding, your guests might not have much to do. It's nice to invite your guests to the rehearsal dinner, but that's not always financially possible. Some families like to host an after-wedding brunch (the following day) or another get-together a different day, but this isn't always easy to do either. So what's a bride and her family to do with the guests needing entertainment? Tell the out-of-towners about the wonderful things to do in your city or town! Most places have plenty of things to do and see -- and will fit nearly any budget (think a trip to an in-town spa or a walk through a nearby park). Better yet, tell them about the things you love to do! Here are a few to get you started:

*Cultural attractions like museums, historical sites, aquariums, and symphony halls
*Sporting places like hiking trails, biking paths, lakes, and parks
*Shopping spots near the venue(s) or hotel(s)
*Interesting urban locations to explore
*Location-specific "places of interest"
*Kid-friendly spots if your guests are bringing children
*Fabulous (and/or reasonably priced!) restaurants near the hotel(s)

Make your travelers feel welcome.
At the least you want to make sure everyone from out of town feels welcomed to your wedding. A "welcome" packet, including the information you want them to know (even if you've put it on a website or sent it out previously) will ease some of the worries they might have about getting to your event. You can even do a bit of decorating -- maybe print the info on a page with your wedding colors or motif, or add a bit of ribbon.

For something a little more involved, you could make up a little "welcome basket" with the same information, plus a few goodies that reflect you, your wedding, or your location. Like favors, they don't have to be expensive and can really make the guest feel good to be there. Of course, you'll probably need to enlist a bit of help -- get your bridesmaids or other helpers to help distribute what you make to the hotel rooms to ease the stress of yet another detail to be worked out.

So what should you include? In addition to the phone numbers and other information, there are a number of things you can put in to treat your guests.

*Homemade goodies, like cookies or candies
*Fresh fruit or packaged snacks (especially good if they've had a long flight)
*A bottle of wine (or a couple bottles of water if they'll be walking around siteseeing!)
*Gift certificates to local services, like the hotel spa or a nearby theater
*Locally made items -- this is especially good if you're having a destination wedding
*One or two "tourist" style maps to help them find interesting extra stops
*A transit map and prepaid transit card (with a note of how many trips or days)
*A personal handwritten "thank you for coming" note

These can all be in a cute basket or another container that fits your theme (bucket for a nautical or beach theme, rhinestone-studded container for a fairytale wedding, etc.). Even a piece of ribbon in one or both of your colors can help tie everything together (literally or figuratively) and help you figure out what you'll do without creating a whole slew of extra decisions.

Make sure that everything you put in your "welcome" is take-home-able. Something too big might not fit in a small suitcase, for example, or overly fragile items could get broken. Like favors, the idea is to be kind, not overly extravagant. Do what works for you -- if that's just a sheet of paper with phone numbers and directions, it's fine! But don't ignore your out-of-town guests; they probably spent money to come see you, so try to show your appreciation however you can, and make them feel as warmly welcomed as possible.

Update

I've added a way to subscribe to this blog, so now you can tell immediately when I add new posts! The option is on the bottom right; click on "posts" under the "subscribe to" heading.

I've got so many ideas buzzing around in my head. I can't wait to get them out! The invitation below is just one of many I've already thought of. It makes me wonder what I'll actually do once I get to my own! But meanwhile, I'll have a few fun ideas for you :)

On the actual wedding front: my fiancé and I went to see what items we might want on our registry (early, yes, but it's nice to do it when there's no pressure). There are so many choices to be made -- it can really overwhelm you if you're not prepared. China patterns, flatware types, stemware, linens, appliances... it gets dizzying fast. If you're not registering right away (and just looking for things that catch your eye, like we were), take a notepad and write down brands and styles you like. It's almost impossible to remember names after hours of pattern-hunting. If you want, get someone from the store to help you match items you're trying to find. If you don't think you have a clue about design, they can probably help. Better yet, bring a fashion- or design-savvy friend with you (preferably one who's also friends with your fiancé[e])!

It's great to go to a store that carries a lot of registry-type items, like Macy's, because that way you can find a large chunk of what you want without having to visit a large number of stores. It can get tiring walking around so many stores, particularly if you've only set aside a few days for registry stuff. Plus those larger chains are all over the U.S., and even with easy online ordering, many people want to see for themselves what they'll be getting you.

Speaking of seeing things for yourself, it's also important that you look at registry items in person. Patterns, textures, and surfaces can look very different online versus in real life, and you don't want to end up with something you're not thrilled about. I wasn't prepared for this -- I found a china pattern I really liked online, but in the store it was only so-so. Disappointing -- and imagine how it would have been if I had ordered it! Don't make the mistake of falling in love with something before seeing it in real life.

How-Tos: Simple Vellum Overlay Invitations

Vellum overlays add a beautiful touch to invitations, from the more traditional to to the modern. Although it looks expensive, 8.5"x11" vellum can be bought at paper-supply stores relatively cheaply. Just make sure you get thin vellum that can be fed through your printer.

Items needed:
* Printed sheet of background graphic of your choice
* 8.5"x11" sheet of vellum
* Cardstock or thick paper
* Length of ribbon to match background graphic
* Scissors or craft knife and straightedge
* Gluestick and/or double-sided tape
* Word-processing or graphic creation software and printer

1. Create your invitation wording on the word-processing software. If possible, save as an image so you can double up and print two per sheet of vellum. I created a box centered on the text so I knew where to trim the excess; it makes cutting the overlay easier. Print it carefully onto the vellum, one sheet at a time. Make sure you don't touch the ink so it has a chance to dry.

2. If you're trying to decide between several different graphic backgrounds, check to see how each looks underneath the invitation wording. You want to be able to read the invitation while still being able to tell what the image is.


3. Cut the cardstock or thick paper to your final invitation size. A good rule of thumb is about 5"x7", and it's better to trim it by about a quarter of an inch or so to ensure it fits into a standard-size envelope. If you want custom size invitations, remember that you'll have to find (or make) custom envelopes, and in some cases (like square invitations) you may need to pay extra postage.

4. Cut the background graphic. In the example I cut it to the same size as the cardstock; however, you may decide that you want to have the cardstock color showing with a smaller graphic.

5. Cut the vellum to size. It's best if the vellum is the same size as the cardstock. Arrange the pieces until you find an eye-pleasing combination. Carefully attach the graphic to the cardstock with a gluestick or double-sided tape (regular white glue will warp the cardstock).

6. Using a tiny dab of glue or a small piece of the double-sided tape on the top center - where the ribbon will be tied - place the vellum overlay to "anchor" it. Cut holes for the ribbon with a craft knife, or use a hole punch, making sure everything still lines up.

7. Thread the ribbon through the holes and tie into a neat bow on the front. Cut the ends if necessary; if they show, cut them diagonally for a nice finish.

Tips & Techniques: Simple Weddings

Most people probably assume that "simple" weddings are easy weddings. Not necessarily! For one thing, what does "simple" really mean? Are we talking about the ceremony? The reception? The theme? The expense? The answer to that question really changes the outcome of the planning process.

When I say "simple" I mean a short, basic ceremony with a streamlined, no-frills reception. These are great for older couples that don't want a lot of fuss, second (or third or fourth) marriages, or couples that just don't want to deal with all the hassle a "normal" wedding can cause. That being said, it doesn't have to be boring or feel "cheap."

Boring weddings are usually also impersonal. They don't connect the guests to the couple and often just feel like going through the motions. What you want for your guests is that they feel you are honored by their presence (hence the wording on the invitations). It's best that everyone feels like they were chosen for good reason - not just another name to tick off the list and add to the gifts. That's where personalized wedding favors - even small, inexpensive ones - can really help you. Explain the things that mean something - even if that's just by getting the best man to grab the mic for a couple minutes. Little touches are often the most important.

"Cheap" weddings are the ones where the guests feel like they are more of a burden to you than a welcome face. It's especially insulting if you obviously spent a lot of money in other areas and decided to spend as little as possible per guest. You can save a lot of money by reducing the amount you spend per person, but do it in a way that still makes it feel special. That's where handmade or otherwise personalized items really work. If you still can't afford the amount you're spending, rethink the guest list: maybe it's better to celebrate your union in a nice way with a few people than to make it bare-bones with a larger number.

If you decide you want a simple wedding, think carefully about what traditions are most important to you. If you couldn't care less about the bouquet toss, don't do it! If you don't want a fancy dinner, pass around some hors d'oeuvres. Streamline everything so it goes smoothly without a lot of distractions.
Secondly, think carefully about your guest list (even without considering the budget). Simple weddings work well for very small, intimate gatherings; your guests can focus on you, not the "stuff" - and because of the small size, you can reciprocate the attention. Larger receptions might feel a bit naked, but this can be fixed by creating the right atmosphere. An interesting, but not busy, location is perfect for a simple wedding.

Bottom line: Simple weddings beg for intimacy and streamlining. Don't go for cheap - go for special.